Wordsmith is to pen as mason is to "_______"

Belated TGIF, demoiselles et messieurs. Chances are you know of the passing of the so-called King of Pop - on Thursday, Michael Jackson died after entering cardiac arrest early that morning. Experts are arguing over pretty much everything except that he's gone.

Don't get me wrong - I like MJ's music as much as the next guy, but when CNN's board of experts and slew of commenters went so far as to compare him to, insultingly, the President; ironically, to Santa; and appallingly, to a tragic figure born of the Bard, irritation is an understatement of my emotions.

Jackson's death is lamentable, true. But while to imply that pop's throne lies vacant is to shortchange the genre's other artists, to liken his death to that of the President or his influence to that of the linchpin of American Christmas tradition is to lay it on with a trowel.

Today's phrase, "to lay it on with a trowel," stems from one of Shakespeare's most beloved plays, As You Like It. It means, according to Gary Martin of The Phrase Finder, "to crudely labor a point, or to flatter in an overly generous manner." Here are the lines leading up to it and the phrase itself (lines 94-99):

LE BEAU: Fair princess, you have lost much good sport.
CELIA: Sport; of what color?*
LE BEAU: What color, madam? How shall I answer you?**
ROSALIND: As wit and fortune will.
TOUCHSTONE: Or as the destinies decree.
CELIA: Well said; that was laid on with a trowel.
LE BEAU: Nay, if I keep not my rank -
ROSALIND: Thou losest thy old smell.***

Ah, Billy Shakes - you clever rogue. He's playing on the double entendres of his words, as usual.

Bricklayer in Paoua, Central African Republic; photo
by Brice Blondel for the Humanitarian and Development
Partnership Team, Central African Republic

This phrase works on the idea that mortar will not bind bricks together properly if applied too thinly; yet, by the same token, a trowel is essentially a broad blade of steel (see left) used to heap on the mortar and to scrape away the excess. It is not a graceful tool. Bricklayers use trowels to smooth out the lumps in mortar applied to walls or floors in the final stages of production.

The difference between an edifice and a person, however, is that a person will feel every dollop plopped upon his or her face. Amateur brown-nosers and pick-up artists**** commit this sin with frequency, and while such glib speech might fool the flatteree, bystanders will know.

Ever meet someone with an inexhaustible stream of compliments - the company Yes Man? Tell him to put in two weeks' notice, because I know a mason who would be very interested in an apprentice...

Some women (or men) you know might lay their makeup on with a trowel. In that case, the person he or she vainly attempts to flatter is him/herself. Then again, Elizabethan makeup was little more than a mask and/or a literal facial peel anyway, so who's counting?

As another popular idiom goes, "flattery will get you nowhere." Sincerity and clarity, in common use before anyone ever needed to fake it, still reign supreme.

And if you're going to make a comparison, at least make an apt one!*****


Information purloined from http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/224600.html and http://users.tinyonline.co.uk/gswithenbank/sayingsl.htm



* - or "what kind?"
** - Of the light bulbs at your local hardware store, Le Beau's about a 10-watter; he thinks Celia actually means "what color?"
*** - pun on "rank," also meaning a stench
**** - seducing dupable women isn't an art if painters still get more sex than you
***** - such as the missing link and Joaquin Phoenix

The Perfect Solution to the Perfect Storm

Let me start off by saying I apologize for not posting an entry on Friday as I had promised. Someone cut open the plastic window on the back of my girlfriend's Jeep and stole all of her CDs; she and I spent most of the day jury-rigging her window back into place with every mechanic's panacea: duct tape.

At least the thief didn't make off with the car, though he had tried - the wiring beneath the steering wheel was exposed, and the housing around the steering column lay in the footwell on the passenger side.

Yes, I know it was a he.*


Today's entry features one of the words I just used: jury-rig.

To jury-rig something is to construct a quick, temporary solution to a problem out of necessity. It hearkens back - again - to the navy, where "jury" refers to anything used in place of the real thing in an emergency. It specifically refers to a jury-mast, or a temporary mast built to support the sails when the mainmast has collapsed, like the mainmast at the right.

The use of "jury" in this word is debatable, but the leading attribution is a shortening of the word "injury."

For your education: how to tie a jury-mast knot (or mainmast knot, or pitcher knot, depending on what the knot is holding). Here's a video version if you prefer.

A jury-mast knot.

Sailors tie the jury-mast knot around the jury-mast and use the loops at the side to anchor the mast to stays. Though little evidence exists that such a knot was used in the Age of Exploration, modern sailing texts recommend using this knot for securing the jury-mast.

Also for your education: you cannot jury-rig a courtroom.** You can, however, jurypack a courtroom, which is to stack a jury in such a way as to make a specific outcome likelier.

It is also not "jerry-rig," as some of you might have thought, and as the Brits during the World Wars deliberately used to denigrate the Germans.*** There is a similar-but-not-synonymous word, "jerrybuilt," which refers not to a quick fix but a deliberately shoddy job using slipshod workmanship or second-rate materials to turn a profit. It has its origins in 19th-century England, where it described home builders who followed such a questionable practice.

Curious about synonyms for jury-rig? My favorites include:

• stopgap, which I would have covered if I could actually find any information about its origin;
  
• substitute, though it doesn't mean a jury-rigged teacher;
  
• and finally, MacGyver, the original magician of makeshifts in all of his '80s glory.

I use MacGyver as a verb. I encourage you to do the same.




Information purloined from http://www.word-detective.com/back-g2.html

* - well, her tampons and lotion were still there...

** - unless you convert the loo into a hall of justice

*** - The British called their chamberpots "Jerries" after Jericho, the rough area of Oxford, and the German helmets resembled British chamberpots.****

**** - it's also subtler than "$&!@head"